Unblock

Dearest shadow,


Ever since I got my new phone, I've been addicted to sudoku and Unblock. There are no other games on my phone and i've finished all the puzzles in both games at least twice. It's mind numbing and my colleagues are often amazed at how fast I finish those puzzles...Sometimes I finish them while having lunch, catching up on office gossip, uttering the occasional omg! what? seriously? tell me about it!


I don't find it to be such a big deal actually. I have no patience for the games that they play. I have absolutely no perseverance to follow through and i find them so stupid that I can hear my brain cells protest that they are going to commit suicide. But, i digress.


After successfully completing more than 3000 puzzles, my dear brain had an epiphany. Unblock and sudoku are more than just games. Although I'm a I-hate-maths-and-numbers person, I find myself being very attracted to these two games because knowing that each puzzle has a solution is very comforting. There is a way to do it. Its within the parameters set. The rules are simple. If you make a mistake, there is a refresh button. You can clear all and restart. You're given a few things to help you to figure the solution out. It looks really daunting and challenging. Being stuck makes me so frustrated. I keep telling myself to make any kind of move so that I can move forward.


I think its a metaphor for life. You are the little red block and everybody else is a boring brown block, creating a labyrinth so that you dont get to the exit easily. Their sole purpose is to block that exit. Some brown blocks are nice and they move around easily. some help you get out. So yea, unblock is like life. Each time you are placed in a situation, you've to move your people, consider the options and manipulate your circumstances in order to get to the next point. Sometimes you need to move backwards before you can move forwards. You get stuck sometimes and you put it aside, come back with a fresh perspective and you solve it eventually. You heave a sigh of relief when you get to the end and the little pop up says "congratulations! you've solved the puzzle!" and what do you get? you get another puzzle. And once you're done with that, you move up a level and continue till the whole thing is over and you ask yourself.....


Now what? Sit around and wait for a shooting star....


I think its nice that I can see all the obstacles as brown blocks and see myself as a red block. Its good that I know that everything has a solution. Sometimes you've just got to believe that there is a solution and keep working towards it without paying too much attention to the brown blocks.
I feel like such an optimist right now but there's this nagging thought. Keeps bugging me.


I can solve unblock because I can see the bigger picture. I can see the exit and then the red block. I know how to narrow it down and what to focus on. What happens when in real life, you're the red block and you cannot see the exit cuz there are too many brown blocks jamming that place....


How do you know what you're supposed to be looking for, what you're supposed to be learning from that incident, circumstance etc? And how do you know that you are close to the exit? what if you're actually at the exit and you accidentally make a wrong move and end up at square one? Does good insight and the big picture view truly come from detachment?


See, i know that i've been here before. All the annoying questions. All of them revolving around the same themes. Most probably arising from having hunger pangs which trigger an existentialist crisis in the middle of the night. If I've to put labels on these posts, it'll probably be something like "yep-here-we-go-again".


I know. I'm repetitive. but really. I WANT to know. I want to learn the lessons and move on. I want to do at least move up the level. How many more lessons before the intermediate stage? I don't want to be stuck grappling with lame issues. Its tiring. Am I supposed to make peace? Buy people ice-cream? I will. I know the brown blocks are going to be there wherever I go. But hey, its to be expected and at least the challenge is different....


So where are these answers going to come from? Are they going to suddenly dawn upon me? Google search will give it to me? God is going to answer my questions? The first two are more likely to happen. sigh. Here's my problem with going to the temple. Its like a very long, extended monologue that never gets an answer.


I need a hug. Can't wait for april to come.