A good enough year.

Dearest shadow,


I've not blogged in here for a bit. and perhaps, that is a good sign. A sign that 2012 is going alright. Managable. And heading in a good enough, positive enough direction. I like it so far. And let's hope that it heads off in that direction.


I was just looking at my passport a few days back. The stamps that i've collected, trying to remember the holidays and the circumstances which surrounded those holidays. Much has changed. Changed so much in such little time and it seems to me that this break neck speed is something i've to get adjusted to.


As much as I want to, i've realised that there are so many things that are out of my control. the lack of control is something that i'm not used to. I'm lil miss control freak remember? The unpredictability of everything is disconcerting and yet, the optimist is doing a little "psst....that's the fun part missie!"


I've looked at my resolutions the past few years. and I think i've grown up alot. Alot more than i can perceive. still cant spell that word. but i digress. I'm growing up in a way that startles me. Why can't i be one of those girls who is more worried about chipping her nails, getting her hair done? They look carefree. People carry their bags for them and maybe their laptops dont run outta battery. I don't know.


Then i tell myself that i dont want to be that person. I've grown up in my own way. Made my own mistakes and have always had control over my bank account. I still blabber a lot but, maybe my blabberings have some substance now. I can actually hold my own. I'm happy actually. It's a sign of progress. of momentum. of direction.


I hope, maybe pray a bit more than i'd like to admit, that I have the courage, patience and strength to accept the many more things that life is going to throw at me. I've done pretty well last year! By my own high standards actually. But nonetheless, it's good to be realistic.


right now, I'm pretty settled in my career. Doing well at it actually. Earning lots of smiles, pats on the back, along with a pretty good increment. My music is doing well. I find peace and so much happiness in struggling with notations. All my old buddies are here to stay. Their presence is solid. God might love me a little bit more this year. He better. After showing me, quite obviously, that i've been taking him for a granted, showing me who's boss and humbling me at the halfway mark, he probably has a smirk on his face. yes sir, i'm humbled and grateful for you. Please hold my hand through what seems like calm waters. :)


I want to keep remembering the dinner at ben's at the beginning of this year. The new year's fireworks, the food, the honest conversation, the glass of red wine and most importantly, the practical, insightful toast that makes me beam from ear to ear:-


To a good enough year.