Birthday post

Dearest shadow,


As it turns out, time and tide waits for no man. not even his shadow. I've turned 25. and hopefully, a year older is a year wiser. As it has always been, my birthday is a day of self-reflection. A day I do not judge myself on the things I have done that year.


This year has been different, difficult and yes, very demanding. It started out on a lousy note. Being bullied, mistreated and made to feel small by mean and meaner lady, who incidentally or maybe ironically, have left their jobs since. I dreaded going to work, being watched, having to prove myself and work against all the things that don't make any sense to me. I do know that mean lady's love life is in shambles and she's still praying for her dream job to work out for her. Maybe that's poetic justice. FINALLY, a real life example.


My lousy neigbour had to move and I have a rather nice neighbour in the office. She's loving, caring, compassionate, helps me stick salon pas on my back without being judgemental and without a single tsk-tsk-you're-so-young-you-should-not-be-having-back-pain. Oh and speaking of which, is recovering and straightening out so so well now. amazing.

I am rather successful in my work. I have a gang of fans who have the loveliest things to say about my work and the rather crazy and ingenious methods I employ to achieve the end result. I have begun to pay off my study loans. And, I am happy to have done something within a year of my graduation.


I also got one of those touchy-phones. dropped it countless times already. yes. insert your tsk-tsk here. Wore several girly shirts. AND shoes in combination of course. I put a fabric flower hair tie in my hair. Dresses are still unworn. But at least I have one in my cupboard now. I have music in my life again. It completely compensates for the fact that I didn't do a single show this year. No invites from anyone and I'm not upset that I didn't perform at all.


Apart from all the trivial, tangible things that I did this year, I learnt a whole lof ot intangible lessons. often the hard way. it's still taking more than one knock to get through. But hey, i'm 25. still learning. And willing to say that out loud too.

1. The rules of the game change everyday. That applies to your relationship with your mum, co-idiots, and the general populace who don't understand what the whole game is about.
2. The truth, is, was, and always will be nothing but the Truth. Our ability to perceive it changes with our perception. It is always blocked,tainted or clouded by a completely lousy excuse -- our ego, fallibility, plain ol' human nature.
3. Don't cast pearls at swine, preach to the choir and let the facades fool you. Some people are just not there yet. Don't beat yourself up about it. And don't let them beat you about it...
   
4. Train your eyes and ears. Learn to view less and see more. Everything in your field of vision is an elaborate illusion. See past the illusion. And vice-versa. Hear more and listen less. There's far too much noise to filter out. Only your conscience and a few good people require your listening skills.
   
5. Ignorance is NOT bliss. Ignoring is bliss. I'm convinced that someone must have spelled it wrongly along the way.
6. Complaining and worrying is like your grandfather's rocking chair. Its for old people. It looks cool, makes noise and gets you noticed for a while. It gives you something to do but gets you nowhere. Eventually, people will get off your lap and go do other stuff while you sit there and rot.
7. Make peace with god. It'll be the only relationship which will irritate, baffle, frustrate and motivate you. It's the only one you get to hurl abuse, bribe, ignore, bitch about without a single consequence. Communications/prayers and sanctions/blessings are always one way and they will always be in your favour. Its the only relationship which does not nag, judge or suffocate and stays by your side, whether you shun it or not. And whether you admit it or not, you secretly like the challenge.
   
8. Stay infectiously happy. It's the default. Like A4 paper. Always fix the photocopier jam and go back to being on default. It keeps you on track and helps you count all your countless blessings...
   
9. Read. Write. and Think. They are the fuel of self-discovery. Time-tested and if it could, it'll come with a lifetime money back guarantee.
   
10. Enjoy being wrong. Laugh at yourself. And don't take anything too seriously. Those are probably the unwritten mantras of people who have become great without lifting a finger. Greatness was thrust upon them simply because they were being themselves. They acknowledge they are boring, nerdy, dress badly and failed O levels 8 times -- winston churchill btw...
    

I will do my best. Try to remember these when I need them. And try to put them in practice. Its one thing to come to the realisation and another to accept it and put it into practice. I know I cannot spell receive. I accept and laugh at the fact that I still am unable to write it down without staring into the sky, write it and cancel it a few times. But its another to really sit down and force myself to do something about it.


Maybe it'll sort itself out by next birthday :)