sleepless beauty

Dearest shadow,


I am sleeping later and later. and waking up earlier and earlier. Wonder if this will add wrinkles to my face and i'll finally look my age.

I keep telling myself that I need to break out of this stupid sleep cycle. I need to stop eating at irregular times and starve myself sometimes and stuff myself later. No this has got to stop. The insistent nagging and my constant fighting back has to stop.


But i've gotten so used to this nonsense. I can make do with less sleep. I can function perfectly well on 3 to 4 hours of sleep. I can do that for 10 days before I get a headache and need to rub tiger balm all over myself. I almost never run out of energy. I can always "we can do this now" because i'm always full of sugar, some kind of addictive drink, or too many friends episodes.

I am functioning well. There are no signs of my body breaking down. The only things I have problems with are long standing and they influence sleep...yes. But not control it. So what now. my brain is telling me that it has to change.... But its too comfortable to change. Why fix something that is not broken? and why do i need to rationalise everything. but yes.... i digress.


Its not good to test the limits of your body. Yes. When your body starts fighting back, then it's a different story all together. trust me. i know. But my body isn't really fighting you know. It's quite happy. It just doesnt like being woken up too early in the morning. It does not like cold showers and putting things into the mouth in the morning. Toothpaste included.


So what is it? my attitude? towards sleep? towards tiredness? towards pain? Am I ignoring something just because I refuse to acknowledge it? Maybe my body is telling me something and I am prancing and tralalala-ing away with my fingers in my ears....refusing to listen to the nagging voice. Am I actually ignoring the facts and flattering myself when i say that my body has remained pretty unchanged since I was a teen? its almost like it has gone into a time warp and it hasn't aged much.


So will someone tell me if I'm doing something wrong by not sleeping and eating well? will it come in the form of a naggy mom? a kaypo and jealous co-worker? with thunder, lighting and rain? or will it come in the form of a chocolate bar and an understanding been-there-done-that kind of pat on the back?


hear this then, my darling vibrating cosmos, if this is going to become a recurring issue in my life, and i'm supposed to do something about it, 1) break the news properly to lil-miss-egotistical and 2) send me a simple, holistic and easy to implement solution that will not involve cough syrup.


I might just listen.