babbles.

dearest shadow,


i could have gone to bed at 1030 today. but i didnt.


i need to just sit around and twiddle my stylus. make seriously nonsensical notes/lists to myself. think about what i'll do if an irishman asks me out. listen to endless music. all the stupid sitting around gives me back pain. then i decide to go to sleep. and then i toss and turn and every 20 minutes i wake up. if i do manage to sleep, it'll be shallow superficial sleep.

why am i so stupid? why do i like to behave in this way. i dont get it. i dont get myself. how absurd.


why.why.why.


oh and i also thought about god. i think he's a fair person. caring and loving. but very fair without being judgmental. i'm sorry i get angry with you. i just cant help it sometimes. i can only talk about how angry i am to people i love and if i'm talking about that to you, then it means i loove you. and since you're god, and you love me too, you'll forget about it right? awwwww. thank you!


now, i'm going to sit around and chide myself while i rub pain cream all over. how joyful.