rant rant rant.

Dearest shadow,

I'm sitting on my bed, wondering what i will do for tomorrow. its back to school. probably for the last time. i'm so paranoid about whether i've done all the things i need to do. my modules are enough for me graduate etc....stupid GAPS is not working. just when you need it to. there is really no reason to close it now.

cors bidding is crazy. i think i might have lost a few extra clumps of hair during bidding. dont understand how those people are bidding. must've lost their brains somewhere. As i look at all the wide eyed freshies, i'm making another one of my mental lists.

this list is for all the people that i need to avoid. thanks to a certain bitch who made life hell for me. sometimes i feel like i'm weak to not stand up for myself. and at the same time, the back of my head replies that standing up for myself is the source of all these problems. i know i say this alot, and many times i ask myself if i really mean it....if she's ever in trouble somewhere, dying on the road, needing water in a desert, close to being raped etc, i'll flip out my handphone and take the sim card out to resist the temptation to help her. she fuels such rage in me that i think it brings out my inhumane side. yes. i really have one. as hard as that is to believe. at least i dont pretend like i'm nice. i acknowledge that i'm human, flawed and capable of being mean.


ah well. just typing that, just thinking of that made me type quite loudly. i've got to cool it. but really, mean time, i'm doing up my to avoid persons list. all the jerks in my school who went to the national service have now landed. including the one that hijacked my email. i cannot tell you how many times i've told myself that i will not do a tit for tat. i've passwords to most of his accounts. just one click. or maybe 6. yea. that ought to do it. but no. i wont stoop so low. for now at least. lets see.


i have a theatre studies module tomorrow. shakespeare and film. here's hoping that i dont stick out like a sore thumb. and here's hoping that the module lecturer, who's rumoured to be quite a terror in the english department does not make me dread class or worse, hate film.

sigh. my mental list has been building. now i've added another two girls, whom would consider me a good friend, to the list. people i've known for a decade. thats half my life. but really, sometimes i wish i can just get away. its physically and mentally exhausting.

Life could be wonderful if people would leave you alone. -- chaplin