fools rush in.

dearest shadow,

i'm in a strange mood right now. pensive. maybe thats the word. :)


i've been watching too much you tube till 4am, eating milo powder, drinking 2 cans of root beer a day and eating every kind of junk food that lot 1 serves. yes. you could say that i'm having the time of my life. except having to deal with puffy eyes in the morning. sorry. that should read, late morning.


i've actually watched the sun rise, people wake up and go to work and children run to school.its a new day and at 7, someone freaks out when the house isn't clean enough before she leaves for work...i hope i dont end up like her. i've got to make that list. but i digress.


all this free time has got me thinking about the things that i've always wanted to do but never got a chance to. maybe i'll get to do them someday. i'm still broke. but i'm a teensy bit happy. watching you tube and crushing on men who are 18 years older than me. or is it 17? ;)


i hope that by the end of all this endless thinking, two things happen. one, i replace all my worn out gray cells and two, finally settle for what to do.


i think being at home gets to me after a certain point. i mean, c'mon. lets face it. i like to do interesting things. i like being weird, wearing different earrings and mouthing lyrics in the trains. shutting me up at home is annoying. but really what gets to me is the rebellion inside. i feel like a 14 year old again. i'm actually a closet neat freak.not literally. but if you've ever seen my closet, you'll know. my clothes are arranged according to the shades of colour. from white to black. primary colours in the middle and then the spectrum.

allowing myself to live in mess is one way my brain deals with things. i dont want to go into another one of those having to keep EVERYbody else's things clean.


Now that i'm just at home, watching ellen, mythbusters, how do they do it, forbes lists and friends from 7 to 8, i look really free. and people, let me say that again. imagine my voice saying people. some people, are trying to push me to embrace domesticity.


excuse me but, i'm in no hurry to be a domestic goddess. and no way, am i going to even entertain the thought of being anything remotely close to that. so despite me fighting my neat freakness, i allow some moments of weaknesses. i arrange all the books in the study and etc. oh but no one sees that! look at the kitchen. aaaaah! the whole house is upside down.


i fail to see how a long narrow 4 and a half foot corridor of a kitchen constitutes the whole house. the more she, sorry. i'm going to pretend i didnt type that. the more some people try to push me to domesticate myself, the more i will resist it. the more i will let it go in one ear and out the other. which is physically impossible....but how i wish instructions can be dealt with that way....


because, i'm also born in the same tiger year you were born in. and if its any consolation, i did inherit my stubbornness, thankyouverymuch. i have learnt and will divert my attention from all the negative feelings arising from that into my caffeine addiction and watch someone with a cute smile on fools rush in. maybe, just maybe, i'll watch fools rush in another 4 times. and secretly hope someone will carelessly whisper a sonnet into my ear, smile cheekily, make me laugh heartily twice and whisk me away to las vegas to get married. maybe bali? ok. bali. (yes. we all know that's SO NOT happening. :P )


and just maybe, i'll be able to watch friends all day without having to give a damn about the bloody house.


P.S. i'm actually in a good mood. i really watched fools rush in twice in the same day. i'm going to be wrinkly from all the smiling. heh.