free indirect discourse.

dearest shadow.

this month has been eventful. i have alot to say. i dont have the means to. my laptop is dead. i type on a borrowed keyboard. that too, is too small, literally to accomodate my raging typing speed when i blog...


i've not even graduated. but my heart misses nus. and yet it despises the moments i spent there. its a place i associate with my childhood. and i love it to bits. i walk the same grass patches, silently smile at familiar trees and moan the changes to my secret hiding places.

now those are public. and i'm just another adult who walks thru them. adultering the childhood innocence i strive to hold on to. now, i worry about examinations. tests. getting my paper in on time. which is not on time half the time.


i want to stay there forever. recently, my mind yearns for something. its a different yearning. not the kind where i want to be in a plane, on stage etc. its strange. i guess i'll figure it out. eventually.

i have a million things to say. i'd not have survived without talking to you if not for sundays, burger king and unsalted fries. why does god send me my ideal companions as women? whats he up to? and what's he saying? i'm not hearing these anymore. i've become self absorbed. i can hear only the noise in my head. and i see lonliness and long roads where i saw invisible guiding hands and skies for me to conquer.


please god. give me my laptop. a few slaps. real ones in the form of friends welcome. not from mother/father. i dont consider them god and you know that. maybe my sense of humour? am i pushing it? and perhaps some money? yea? ok?


just laptop would do. just laptop would do......and that really is my afterthought.


nites.