dis⋅course: \ˈdis-ˌkȯrs,\

Dear shadow,

no this is not my main post.. you may skip it.
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Ageing is the inflected form of the verb 'age'. The two modern senses of the word mean the following:- show the effects or the characteristics of increasing age; to acquire a desirable quality (as mellowness or ripeness) by standing undisturbed for some time. The interesting thing to note here is that the second sense of the word suggests that it is the characteristics of the first. This to say that ageing constitutes the showing of desirable qualities that take place over time.

I'd like to establish the premises of my argument today. Firstly, I would like to argue that the senses of these words have been altered in the postmodern world. Instead of the positive qualities associated, the words have been associated with negative qualities instead. My second argument is along the lines of structuralism and Post-structuralism. The former movement talks about the independent signifier and the signified while the latter points out that the signifier and the signified are inseparable but not synonymous and united.


The postmodern world has taken a lot of beating from the two wars and hence, there is little that to hold on to as absolute. Modernist tendencies are evident in postmodern thinking however, these are there due to the spectrum that exists between modernism and postmodernism. The faith placed in art for example declines steadily after the 1950's. Language has also been altered as well. Ageing is no longer associated with positive qualities nor seen as desirable across societies.


There is a lot of deconstruction and destabilizing in the poststructuralist school of thought. Jacques Derrida, Michel Foucault argue that language breaks down and hence metalanguage arises. Again, the ideas between the sign of ageing and the signifier of ageing have changed and hence, taken on more darker ideas into the senses of the word.

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If you're wondering what the hell was that about, i'm with you and not with you at the same time. With you because, i dont know what the hell that was about. and not with you because thats the only way i know how to make sense of the things that are inescapable. intellectualizing things is my way of seeing it the rational, practical and emotionless way in daily life. Making it a fact makes it easier to swallow. without water.

as much as i hate to say this to sound unfilial, i will say it lest i lose my mind. i despise having to listen to a certain person in my life. I am tired. she does not have a horrible life. we are not living in poverty. as much as its a dog's life to work in singapore, i'd rather work than sit at home and spiral into depression, subjugation and gossip to sustain my housewife lifestyle. and as much as it's a dog's life to work, at least we are a pure breed which eats and sleeps well enough to be middle class.

constantly having to hear about how i dont help out in the house is difficult. and having to be the punching bag is really painful to the point that i dont know that i cry myself to sleep. i wake up with eyes glued together and a horrible feeling like i know i dreamt something disturbing but i cant recall it well enough. maybe it really is the subliminal messages that get to you.

i've been the most unmotivated in this last 2 years or so. only because i have to be more independent and dependent at the same time. i cant stand it everytime i'm called an "asset" or asked when i'm graduating, or why i'm not doing my honours. i was told not to do it and graduate early because i need to work to support my family since someone's tired of working. and now i'm asked this question. sorry. you should have encouraged me to do it so that i would have been more careful about my cap.


i know you are tired because you've worked all your life. i started working when i was 14. granted that its not full time jobs and i've had a breaks with full time education, i will work in a harder, more competitive, dog eat dog world than you. and i know thats what awaits me. but i do not complain. and i will not complain. its not in my 'genes' nor my red blood cells.


i do not accept reasons that you are old, menopausal, have to work under people who are mean for being tired of life. as much as i am sympathetic since you are a special relation to me, i would tell everybody else, even my best of friends to wake up and put a sock in it. learn to deal with it. you are not a child. and stop blaming people for everything.


yes. we have lost a lot of money. people have conned us. and they are not about to return it. they take us for idiots and are ready to fight when we ask for our own assets back. this issue has been on the replay button for the last 8 years. if we keep looking back to the past to what we have lost and constantly lament about it and blame the past for the present situation, then slowly but surely, the present will one day be past and the future will be no brighter. and even the eternal optimist will fade into darkness.


you ask when will the day come when someone will keep you at home and feed you...sorry. even your daughter in law will think of her own mother first. times have changed. please revert to the 17 to 18th century for your desire. or wait for a time machine. because there is no such thing as a free lunch. you must work for it. if you do not wish to deal with the problems of married life, you should not have made the vows to do so with agni as the witness. there ARE other options in life. if they are not taken, then again. lamenting is of no point.


you are flawed, unrefined, discordant, discrepant and biased just like the rest of the humans out there. you are a perfectly fine and normal human being. and i EXPECT that you acknowledge you are flawed. pretence belongs on stage and does not do well with other dramatis personae whom are aware of the facade. it gets easily stripped down and stepped on. you are nowhere near the god whom i love and whom is seriously misunderstood by the human race. no man, woman or child can be god. only god can be god. and only god gives life. the human being can only provide the shell which makes us mortal and fallible.

obsessing over things as a distraction for stress is a surefire way to be stupid and drive people to insanity at the same time. if you must add ages at the start of the year and give a stern talk about learning how to cook wash and clean as i'm growing up and tell me to be humble because the "higher i go the more i must bend" then please treat me my age. and not talk down to me like i should be servile just because i am a certain relationship in your life. i'm more than my physical body. i have a soul. and its ageless. and it deserves respect and love on EQUAL terms.


i constantly dream of escaping what i call the punching bag syndrome. or should i call it the learnt helplessness punching bag syndrome. i've learnt that i'm helpless. therefore i just take it all in. and keep my mouth shut. all bags, when punched too far, will burst their contents. patient people are wonderful because they are patient. but they are dangerous for patience and forgiveness are not synonymous. forgiving has been deconstructed and destabilized. it may well mean unexpressed anger and frustration waiting to burst its banks.

i pray it never happens and i pray it happens someday. for if the former happens, all will be well. if the latter happens, all will be well -- for me. or will it. hopefully i dont wake up with glued eyes.


you are ageing. or rather you claim that you are ageing. either way, please take the modernist stance to life and art. there is more beauty, sensibility and stability to age than there is to youth. if you insist on the postmodern perspective, please take the idea that labels have been broken down after the world wars and nothing is contained in absolute boundaries anymore. hence, age is nothing more than an indicator which does not have rigid biological or societal definitions or boundaries.

if you want neither and want to hold onto the structuralist argument, then please remember that a word is given its meaning when all people speaking the language agree upon the meaning of the word. or if you want to be Michel Foucault and follow the completely opposite poststructuralist perspective, the sign and the signifier have arbitrary meanings. a word can only be defined in relation to another word and hence, meaning is arbitrary and can be interpreted in numerous ways. choose your own way of interpreting it.


whatever you choose, please stick to your guns and remain stable the way you are stubborn about me not cutting my nails in the hall because bad luck will come or about me not piling up laundry items because its bad luck. it will help me alot. and save me from imminent insanity. i'm tired too. of being there, of being accessible but not appreciated because you choose to be calculative based on who does more...


i meant to say all this. i did not mean to bitch and be ungrateful. and i thank you, in the structuralist perspective, for reaching here.