obessions.

Dearest shadow...

i've been doing stupid things this past week. and most of them involve doing nothing. painfully putting things behind me and not bothering about the many things i ahead of me. i'm simply procrastinating for the sake of procrastinating. it alsmost makes me wonder what i am running away from...

problem is, i think i know what it is. and i dont want to confront it. its so easy and difficult at the same time and its so frustrating. i'm practically immersed in tv. speaking of which, i went for a movie on chinese new year. not just any movie. a commercial, crappy movie. have you known me to do that?

I've not known me to do that. and thats how bad this is...i need a slap. or maybe a hug. and maybe someone to read me a pretty sonnet for me to obsess over. at least it'll get me out of the many other unnecessary obsessions i am involved in now.


they all seem perfect. beautiful. unfailing. flawless. thats what makes them alluring. and thats what makes me feel so so attracted to them. the more i convince myself that its just a facade, the more i hear a voice at the back of my head. they're more perfect than i ever could be. than i ever will be.


sometimes i wish i need not deal with myself. sometimes i wish that i can just shut that voice up. alas, it belongs to me, obstinate just like me and digs its heels in the more it faces silence.

MUST we have to do this? all the time? or is it only me?


I think its just me. shoot me. just do it.