beautiful dichotomies.

Dearest shadow,




yes. Its 2 am and i occasionally blog despite a no blogging notice. you know me. right. lets get to it.


a beautiful dream. one so beautiful, i actually get up to write about it. lets get to it.

I'm in a different time and space. I stare down white picket fences and beautifully manicured lawns. Bright light skies and wispy clouds. Clear, cool fresh air, just like the kind at 10 000 feet. The air is filled with laughter and creaking swings. I stand there, wondering, if this is real.

The silent buffeting of an airplane engine. I turn and stare at a beautiful cessna plane. The engine dies, the tailgate lights go off. Someone rushes past me, leaving a familiar scent trace in the air. Could it be? nah. wonder who it is.

I get closer. Such familiar shoulders. He even bites his nails. could it be? nervous pitter patter of rubber soles on flat cement. A corner smile and a three day beard. it must be. my heart races. just at i approach, his gaze moves elsewhere.

The airplane door lowers. a four year old clambers out with her teddy. big blue eyes light up. she clasps both his knees for two seconds and runs back to the plane. He swoops down to catch her. as if like practised motion, he carries her and puts her on his hip. her eyes stare at me from above his familiar shoulder. it cant be him. no. never.

i turn away and my eye catches someone else. A woman. satin yellow tube dress, flowing hair and a seat belt mark...On her left shoulder. SHE flew the cessna. A quick hug, peck on the cheek and she hands him her headset. I want to get in there and see how its like inside. its a cessna for crying out loud. and she just flew one!
I walk to the other side to creep in unseen...

There comes that familiar scent again. Nevermind the plane. it has to be him right? i walk right behind them and yet they dont see. a beautiful victorian home. 4 nice people cheer from the entrance. He lets her down and she runs dragging her teddy with her.

A knowing smile, a nod, a giggle with the child and the 4 disappear thru the door. She stops to take her heels off. She sinks to his shoulder. He smooths her hair and tilts her chin up. I try desperately to see his face and yet all i see is the slight curve on his lips...

they lock in an embrace. one of those long lingering kisses.... c'mon finish already and show me your face. sigh....


his slender fingers carelessly trace the mark on her bare shoulder and she runs hers thru his hair... wait. it looks familiar. and that dimple. turn dammit. turn. alright already.


as if sensing my mental commands, she turns, looks straight into my eyes. my soul feels so naked. she flashes that all knowing cheeky smile as he plants a kiss on her forehead.


i stand there. rooted to the ground. my gaze straddles between the cessna plane and my married self. it just cannot be. but yet it is.......


its probably at this point that i know that the mind conjured it up. even in my sleep, my brain is working out the possibility of me staring at my future, married self. it cannot be. therefore its a dream. I must have smiled in my dream before i woke up.


no. i did not think about planes, getting married to an orlando bloom lookalike, yellow sun dresses, high heels or a four year old for that matter, before i fell asleep. in fact, i didnt know that i fell asleep.


a beautiful dream though. seat belt marks on the left shoulder, custom made headset, my very own runway, cessna plane(!), cute husband and beautiful 4 year old daughter. house which sits on land, yellow tube dress and heels were abit too much i reckon. i have more brains than to fly a cessna wearing heels of all things.



Perhaps a beautiful dream. perhaps a painful jab of what can never be. why do the seemingly polar opposites sit on opposite sides of the coin? are order and chaos the two faces of a dreamer's mind? i will never know.


'twas a beautiful dichotomy indeed. ;)