4MCs

Dearest shadow,


my academic 'career' is coming to a close this semester. i'm leaving the national university of stairs. or so i think....i've been trying to get all my modules so that i can graduate this semester. i'm doing a lit module that i seriously cannot be bothered about. again, just to graduate.

Asian American literature. seriously, who the hell gives a damn. what's so asian about it? i find it weird that asian americans have a different conception of what it means to be asian. if its different from being asian, then its not asian at all. and how can the literature truly reflect and asian-ness if its from an american standpoint? can there be something asian about an american perspective? oh yes! mass stereotyping of the asian continent. i wonder how people can even research this stuff. and did i mention that i'm also less thrilled about the person who's teaching it? yeap. alright then. i've to stop. i've been a bit too specific. i rarely do that.

i've sent two nicely typed, polite emails requesting for an arts gem. It was rejected on the basis that one of my modules clashes with the gem. alright. how about the other 3? i listed 4 and they only saw the fourth module. they can take the trouble to notice that i have a clash with one of the modules listed but they are unable to take the trouble to get me into one of the modules. despite me mentioning that I need to graduate.

or rather, i want to graduate. i want to leave this No-Use-Studying place. three years down the road, i'll read this with a smirk on my face and laugh till i cry. say how bad it is to be working. yes. but really, all i feel now, is that i want to get out of here.


as a child, i was dying to grow up and buy my own food from the arts canteen. i was dying to grow up and borrow one of those thick books for research. dying to see the sea from my favourite bench. now, i'm just dying. i forgot to live my undergraduate years. truly.


yea. i know. its not all that bad. there were nice moments. i made two good friends. one will take a bullet for me. the other will remind me time and time again that i'm a nice weird person. the majority of the 100 or so acquaintances probably dont know my last name or my shoe size. two beautiful concerts and hundreds of hours spent on ranting about the journey to get there. they say that success is not a destination but a journey. they say education is not filling a pail but lighting a fire. well, i say: if all journeys are like this, i wonder why we must walk them.


because its not enough that life's a bitch? i suppose so.


i know i'm not making sense. heck. i dont make sense half the time. i'm really glad i chose to do what i did. i'm glad that i had the freedom to write entirely opinionated papers -- and still get a C. and i'm glad that i did not end up another mass produced product.


i'm tired of having to answer what i'm going to do with my life. i struggle to answer it. and its even more irritating now that i cant secure a gem to graduate.


four lousy modular credits. and just where is my PR internship? i really want it.