blea.

dearest shadow...


i feel a need to blog. like i need to let something out. a need for some sort of catharsis. but i dont seem to know what i want to talk about. so i'll just blab away. to waste sometime till bedtime arrives anyways.


for some reason when i'm walking home, in the train or wherever else there isnt an internet connection, i seem to have all the words flow into my brain. and with such intensity. sometimes i wonder if people are staring at me because i'm making weird faces. could be. after all, its said that the thoughts in our mind manifest as expressions.


i'm hesitating to use this word on myself -- partly because i use it as an insult. i think i'm losing more and more of my patience with people. its starting to get on my nerves. the fact that i get angry more often makes me get angry with myself. i feel like a deranged maniac. there. thats the word. i said it.


i dont like to complain this much. and here i am hammering away on my keyboard at 1 am. and that makes me feel so frustrated. maybe monday blues has set in once it passed midnight. i've to go to school for one lousy tutorial tmrw. 45 mins of blab. asian american literature.


last week, my lecturer quite literally argued with my on my take about a character. it was about whether the text was feminist or not. and he said that the character ratifies blablabla. i actually shot back and said that there is feminism, at least a teensy bit. that you cannot so no to right?

i mean, really? you're supposed to listen. we're not in engineering to hammer formulas on our calculators and press and equal sign. i've heard nasty things about this mod. rather, the lecturer. and i've to do it just to graduate. kinda sucky really.


i lost my train of thought. thinking of that module pisses me off.


alrighty. dont want to dwell on bigoted lecturers. to better things.


orchestra practice is going really well. i'm so in love with the pieces. i'm stuffing my face with chocolate so that i dont miss a certain someone. no. its not him. there'll be 5 of us now. a mr-know-it-all-i'm-so-good, dropped out of the concert just this week. i'll have to tolerate him for tuesdays and no other days! yay! jump for joy!


its week 5. i'm promising myself not to kill myself over essays this time. i've to write more than usual because they've been broken down into 2 shorter essays. that takes more work to fit ideas into shorter essays. so smack me if i'm not doing my essays early. i've to find a concept to do for shakespeare in film and i'll survive this semester.

even with asian crap lit. i've lost it again. its making me have the attention span of a goldfish.