revelations

Dearest shadow,

i heard your silent cries. Where have i been for close to 2 months you ask. legitimate question indeed. i've been doing the things i do best. blogging is one of them. but i had a replacement of sorts the last holidays.

i had a job. i had glorious canteen food and yes. i had fantastic company. so please. be jealous. cuz if you had lived my life the last few months, you'd wanna be me. yes i know that sounds so flashy. but, its the mildest i could put it.

Last year went by. It wasnt the most fantastic of years. but certainly, a fulfilling one. it started well. and ended well. A year where i grew. noticed less basaltic volcanoes on my face and learnt things about life, humans and of course about my relationships to both people and inanimate objects alike.

To that, i'd like to give a little thankew speech. To my pillows, red and orange cushion and bolster, thank you for your endearing support and comforting embraces. to my favourite peacock feather that i dug out of chicken sh*t, thank you for inspiring me to read again. and to my tower fan, thank you for buzzing and singing me to sleep even when i cannot feel your presence. my dear motorola phone, i'm truly sorry for abusing you. they say that we abuse those we hold the closest. i hope you see beyond the abuse and the scars i've given you and see that i've held you in the warmth of my hands for as long as i humanely could. i now know how to push all the right buttons to get you excited. please, i implore you, dont die. dont leave me.

right.

and to the humans, you know who you are. thank you for being yourselves. thank you for listening my highly random gibberish and for keeping up all the times i change topics without warning. thank you for believing in me, my abilities, my opinions and my ever changing ideas about ageing. and of course, putting up with my need for perfectionism, incessant phone calls and my secret love affair with my laptop.

i know that i can be crappy, naggy, annoying and just outright difficult to be with. i constantly ask myself what it would be like to be friends with me. for a long time. or what it would feel like to fall in love with me. how it'll be to work with me and how it'll be to go shopping with me...

through trusted and brutally honest comments, i learnt that i'm a pretty fantastic person on my own. a revelation which could have come earlier. but then again. perhaps it had waited to arrive just at the right time. to a person who had the ability to comprehend the weight of that statement. i learnt that people yearn to talk to me, have lunch with me, shop with me, hang on the phone with me, be indecisive, impulsive, cheeky and childish. i learnt that its not the things you do that matter. its the things You do. and i know now that its not the things you say that matter but the things you dont.

so yes. thankew to 2007. the year i turned 21 and took a dip into the big blue to see the rest of the iceberg that awaits. thankew for the times i was hugged and had a shoulder for my big teardrops. and thankew for the times i managed to do the same.


thankew for reading this far. :)

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Postscript: If anyone needs to know if i'm lying in muck trying to pull myself out of the doldrums or get myself out of a rut, please be assured that i'm alive. kicking. jubilant. doing perfect by my own high standards. send an email to my zillion email accounts checked 14 hours a day in realtime. oh, and i still have hair on my head. thankyouverymuch.