bedlam

.dear shadow...


PLEASE tell me that i'm not going crazy. tell me why on earth i put myself into situations that are painful, annoying, in-your-face and just plain crappy.

its like i keep complaining. about what, i dont really know. sigh. tonnes and tonnes of noise in my head. you and i know that living life on the edge is the kinda stuff i like. i live on the adrenaline rush. yea. its me who told you that. but really, does everything have to be a mad rush to save your semi-precious life?

i feel empty. both in the physical, melodramatic and spiritual sense. i'm walking. sometimes i crawl. and sometimes i'm running a marathon in full glory. and sometimes, i'm just sitting down cursing for A2 to come. why doesnt life just give you a constant pace? like when you run your 5km run? speaking of which, i've not even run one miserable kilometer.

ok i digress.

but really, if my life right now had a theme song, it would not sound anything like sexy pink panther. probably like a sad sad sad metronome. just ticking and ticking till it just dies. then silence results. the deafening sort of silence. you got me right there. deafening silence in the sense that its so silent you think you're deaf.

can somebody just grab me, and just shake me up, then give me a seriously big hug? a cookie would be a bonus. no wait. its a bit too much to ask. just grab me and hug me. or perhaps just shake me. yea. that'll do.

oh and, tell me.

how do you do it? let me ask you that again. nicely. do you just do it unconsciously? or do you know that you're oh so charming and continue thinking that i've not been charmed yet? if you're reading this mister, lemme tell you. i'm charmed. more than you could possibly imagine. i feel naked under your gaze. you see straight into my eye. straight into my bare soul. your smile, even when your lips dont curve, makes me melt so much that wish i could turn invisible. its not that i'm nasty or have nerves of steel. i'm actually really nice... i wish i can tell you that. for someone who has tonnes of words on the tip of her tongue, you make me go speechless. so give yourself a pat on the back. not many can do that.

really.

it'll happen again. i know. just a matter of time. next time i dont do it, i'll slap myself all the way to clementi.


or chua chu kang for that matter.


i'll need to survive tmrw first.