anne frank-ish complaints

Dearest Shadow,


I forgot to write about something. and the title is not in jest... this post is going to sound like anne frank's diary entry about her mother and margot. so let me get started. on sep 12 i think, all of us, including my fussy grandfather and my senile grandmother, who btw, is really senile and i dont feel bad about calling her senile...., went to the photo studio to take some tacky family photos.


yes. this is my family. the same family who didnt want a family photograph on my 21st birthday because it was so common and silly. Yes. anyways, we went to get family photos done. i was the one who had the receipts and in swensens one day, i decided to clean my wallet up...and i threw everything away. the cab ride to the photo studio was horrible. i sat in front and had to wear the bloody seat belt, which btw is more annoying than being strapped down with 3 belts in the co-pilot's seat. but the most annoying thing, and i really dont mind saying 'thing', was the constant nag coming from the back seat.

more annoying than the bbc world service report on the iraq war....more annoying than soccer half time reports by guys with weird accents who call themselves analysts. constant repetition about how she should have had the receipt. how i'm not responsible. and how she should have had the receipt. AND how she should have had the bloody recipt. The photo studio had the copy and they mangaged to find it and didnt make a fuss.


It went on fine...the pictures turned out well. you cannot tell that they were forced smiles. except maybe shiv's but then again....he doesnt smile much. 2 days later, my folks went to j.b. to get the sarees back from the tailor. and guess what happened....lo and behold. she lost the receipt! in the washer! and then, it was all about why-did-you-give-the-receipt-to-me. i've so many things to handle. i'm over loaded. everyone takes me for granted. no one here takes responsibility for their own stuff. i have to do everything. the world will fall apart without me. i've to take so much effort for everything in my house. where are all the nail clippers when i need them. none of you spare a thought for me. i'm so tired. I've to take a break from everything. I want to go to india. i've to work, take care of the family. i've no time to care for myself. I miss having my nice grandmother around because she listened to her spoilt youngest daughter's complaints rather patiently.


I would like to make an appeal here. show me a wall. a nice one. i'll take a good hot shower, and bang my head against it. of course i exaggerate. but really, tell me how to shut this voice out. unlike the bbc world service, unlike soccer analysts, you cannot switch off the mains. When i changed the blogskin, i chose Jim Tsinganos's art. because i love his work. and because its how i feel like most of the time. someone occupying my brain, whispering their complaints into my subconscious. it comes up as weird dreams and distrupts my already lousy sleep patterns.



I have absolutely no respect for people who are constantly irritable, chronically angry and have no way of controlling their words. i find such people weak in controlling themselves, their minds and actions. i find them weaker in spirit. i have two such things in my house. one went to the army. and the other you know. they both meet each other and basaltic lava flows in my living room. i've to navigate past all the pyroclastic flow, choking and dying in the process. For the record, mother, father, your husband to be are not god. no one is. they are flawed human beings who are selfish just the same.


At this point, i invoke the egotisitcal maniac. I place myself on a pedestral, worthy of a greek goddess. I refuse to be weak and ask a bunch of rhetorical questions like why do i have to deal with this. why me. oh no, is it my karma...why can't people leave me alone. You know why? because i know i brought this on myself. I listen. I tolerate. I mediate. I keep the peace.


I think i am slowly nearing the point of snapping. i feel it in my bones. so i'm going to imagine that life is facebook. i can see your status updates. i can choose whether to like it or not. i can choose to comment on it. and i can choose to sign in or not. i can choose to just check out suzy's profile. I pride myself on making good decisons. so i will make a good decision to unfriend some people -- as i have already done. Those were good choices. I will continue to make them so that i can conserve energy. and I can eventually block people. keyword: eventually. i will be patient and do a lot of complaining. I will remind myself of my new year resolution. I will also do alot of thank-you-god-for-fill-in-the-blanks.


I'm still happy. I am still the eternal optimist who acknowledges her egoisitic self. I still draw flowers and the sun with a happy face. I still prance around. i eat and smile like there's no tomorrow. I talk to the waitress, the shoe saleswoman, and a particular mcdonald's counter staff like i've known them for a million years. no one can dampen my spirit long enough. i keep peace with myself. i indulge in a giggle, chocolate and cinnamon melts every so often. I'm happy i've nice people in my life. Life is a box of chocolates, occasionally the icky raisin and nut ones get in and leave a bad taste in your mouth.


In case you were wondering, the bill at the photo studio came up to $788 because my grandparents got a shot of themselves. My dad and bro took some individual portraits with their graduation gowns. All of this was on top of the package which was meant only for my graduation portrait and one family photo. and yes, I paid for it.


Nites.