emotive

Dearest shadow...

I'm feeling a myriad of emotions right now...and for once, i dont think i have all the words to describe them....geez...usually this doesnt happen right...? well at least for me...

sigh....lets start with the most obvious then....show's over and i'm really glad for suz and company for being there...its always nice to know that you are playing to someone you know in the audience...not just some plain old audience....i'm blessed aint i?

its kinda sad that rehearsals have ended....i mean i wont get to see some people on a daily basis...like my dear friend Nan*, anu, dhanu and not forgetting the pretty boy who sits in the corner, holds your gaze and makes you smile like mad when he's not looking....and the man whose gesticulations we have come to love and admire...

at the same time, i'm glad i dont have to go home past midnight and i dont have people claiming my vina as theirs nor will i get people staring at me....but i guess its part of the experience...the only thing that discourages me from setting foot into another show is the people who i'm stuck with....not the music itself...

the euphoria you get when you hear the audience clap is simply brilliant. if i can consider myself a musician, then my real music is that sound....not the orchestra pieces themselves...

perhaps i can say that i was self indulgent in the past few months....too much subway, eye candy, juicy gossip and gorgeous music can get to your head....piling tutorials and dozens of missed lectures dont seem to matter then....now when i realise that time has passed me by really fast, i should be thrown back into panic mood...

but alas, i'm not....i'm still in the kind of mood where i can recite Shakespearean sonnets and sing and dance....i''m still sleepless...smiling too much...the cause of this euphoria? him. for some inexplicable reason, two of us have fallen for the same guy....bet he must be proud eh? sigh....

i'm not...i cant sleep...what kind of emotion is this....its wierd. i feel like a teenager again....like a silly girl who prances about. is it plain desire or hormones taking over? hmmmm....i've been convinced that nothing is wrong with me...and that i should give it a day or two to let everything cool off...i'm reminded of this:

"Which is as poison in the beginning, but is like nectar in the end; that is declared to be "good" pleasure, born from the serenity of one's own mind. That which is like nectar in the beginning from the connection of the sense-object with the senses, but is as poison in the end, is held to be of "passion"

- Bhagavad Gita 18:37-38

not in the mood to analyse that...but i guess you and i know what we are talking about here....and no...let me assure you again...its got nothing to do with romance and what not....

anyways, the show was really great. touch my heart. i'm really glad to be a teeny weeny part of it and it received rave reviews...

My sweetheart and me.... ;) the lighting is kinda bad aint it?

guess i'm making less and less sense....well, its 3 am...i guess its the lack of sleep...blame him!