power

dearest shadow....

judging from the way things are going, i think i'm a really powerful person....i'm not bragging....not at all....i shall substantiate.

i got a few calls from office....apparently they dont know where many of the things are....its not like i should know and even if i do, i dont see an obligation to let you know....hey i left work quite a while ago....i didnt know that i was wanted this badly...if i was, then why treat me like i'm a liability? sheesh....

suddenly, outta the blue , i get a message on my phone....not like i'm not welcoming it...but hey i'm quite sure you didnt even bother if i was alive all this while....so why bother asking me how i am? i'm sincere....i truly care for you....but if you can forget my existence, why cant i forget yours?

another case of how powerful i am....i have the power to write someone's fate....literally. doesnt that make me sound like god? i mean....you suddenly make me sound like i'm god...you are putting yourself at the mercy of my pen...fingers...keyboard...or whatever....and you know that i'm merciful....thats why you picked me to write your fate isnt it? so thats my worth eh? kinda ironical....i'm so important and yet not important.....you come to me when your situation is dire...you come to me when you need me and conveniently forget once your fate is smiling on you again....sad for you.....i might not be so merciful next time you know....so be nice....esp if i write your fate.

i didnt know that i have a money tree...seems like most people i know have made real a fantasy....wierd eh? its alright....it only takes me a few hours to earn money....a call here and there....a fax to this person and a letter to another idiot and i can hear cash registers closing shut on my purchases.....i know you aint got the senses to earn your own cash....i happen to earn mine...i dont need your money...or your pretty stuff....and you are bound to get firing from me if you spend excessively on me....no matter who you are...sometimes, i wonder what contributes to the image.....my plethora of ATM cards? oh darlings....i just happen to chip them all the time since i'm always using my nets for everything....from buying chocolates to jewellery to laptop.....so i have to replace them all the time....its not like i can preserve it and keep it like a museum exhibit....haha....some people do that dont they?

i happen to know my way around places and i happen to know quite alot of people there too...they probably know me before i could say my own name....i'm sociable, thank you very much....i know who to call to get what things done and i know how to get things done myself....so you come to me and get the knowledge...and pass it off as something that you learnt yourself from your own experience....whoa....where'd that come from? oh yes....from me...your "guru"....

well i just started school....so dont ask me things about syllabus, major and minor requirements....i do know them, yes i do...but i think your education is your responsibility....so exercise your rights and responsibilities....

so how did i sound like so far? like a brag queen? like a complaining brat?
bitchy? sarcastic? like a hardened heartless maniac? like a self centered person with the word "I" peppering the whole post? and like someone said, a social reformist?

pretty much depends on the way you set the tone when you read my words....i hope its none of the above....if it is, please take a moment and indulge in the joy of wearing my shoes....

its quite painful when your worth is tied to what you can do for people....oh well...i dont want to waste my energy bothering....if thats the way you want it, then i shall tie your worth to how much you share your life with me and vice versa...how much love you indulge on me...and how much of your precious time i waste...

and yes....power corrupts....i dont want power...in all sincerity, all i ever want is you.