fantasy*

dearest shadow...

i'm trying to rush everything before tmrw....there's suddenly so much to do....i'm missing my room already...

and i think alot of people are missing me already...heh...maybe i'm imagining things...but maybe i'm not...its all the loveee that i'm getting that makes me feel this way....

i'm upset that i cant finish all my dates but i guess my dates dont mind waiting....as they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder....

hmmmm....is that really true? can shakespeare be wrong? as much as i would like to think that he isnt, a part of my realist side tells me that reality isn't half as sweet as we imagine it to be....thats why i drown myself in fantasy and characters who are only as deep as the words that describe them....

maybe i'm shallow? superficial? MAYbe....but as with fantasy, characters in real life do contradict themselves....they fall in love when they mean not to...bless when they mean to curse...say you're beautiful inside out one day and say they saw your ugly side another....stay when they can leave and leave when they can stay....find fault when there is none and see none when there is....reprimand subjugation and still be a bigot...advocate selfishness and admonish when it is practised....

sigh....

i'm a perpetrator and a victim....but i pray its more of the latter than the former...i'd rather fall prey than to proliferate....but then again...i aint perfect although i'd like to be....and i dont advertise that i'm a goody two shoes...in fact, i'm a baddie...a big baddie waddie...and what you see is what you get...dig deeper and you will be in for a shock....cuz...i'm not god...i'm not good....and i still have bad karma to dissolve....which will be over...soon...if you know what i mean...do you? :)


well, if someone with bad karma can lead a somewhat fairytale and somewhat blessed life, shielded from the malevolence and malice that lurks openly in the kali yug...the age where man turns animal, then i count myself lucky....and times when i believed that peace eluded me were but fantasy...for i drowned in a perfect world too much to realise that reality isnt beautiful....and casting spells is what harry potter does....i cant cast spells and neither can people fall into its entrapment....those who do are probably in fantasy themselves...so hey...dont blame me for it....fantasy is alluring...


that said, i will leave this not so customer service friendly country and cocoon myself in self indulgence and soak up the love like a sponge and expunge that which isnt....i'll be back...renewed and revitalised...you can bet on that....then shadow, we can continue our fantasies and dreams...who's to stop us? and who's to judge us? he who think he knows what we are made of? hah!


we shalt practice bigotry and selfishness....and still retain sanity, virtues and of course a very healthy conscience....and that which can judge me is but you my shadow....alas, you hold your peace....


and i shalt hold mine till indulgence melts away and reality beckons...