new year post

dearest shadow...

i know i've been neglecting you alot lately...dont worry...its not like i forgot about you...

been really busy with alot of things in my life....can you imagine that this year has really come to an end? it seems to me like it was not too far away that i was dreading the start of 2005 cuz i had to take the A's this year...

and now, the A's are over...the sense of relief is great...at the same time, the worry that follows that is truly unbearable...sometimes i just wake up in the middle of the night to find myself perspiring profusely....i'm super worried over the results.....its not like i passed my econs before...my grades have been F,O,F,F,F,O,O and many more F's in the middle when they give you those mock tests....Geog is sth that can just send you to your grave...if your knowledge is just not enough there goes your script into the examiner's fireplace...i aint exaggerating....our geog teacher used to mark for cambridge and he's done it before...all he regretted was that he didnt get paid for that script...Lit is a total cock up....so yea.....not very optimistic lar....

dont be surprised if you find my body in the longkang or train tracks behind our school.....i've got to live to many pple's expectations....its not like i pursued a JC education solely for my own reasons.....many underlying reasons made me walk that path....

now, out of college, and working for a one and a half months, i feel like my life has taken a turn...whether that turn is for the better is not for me to judge, right now, i'm just taking things as they come to...trying to live each moment as vividly as i can for i know that i can never get the time back....

sometimes i wish that i had more fun back in college, laughed more, eaten more canteen food, read more, forget about those morons who made life hell and enjoy each moment with those i had forged bonds with....joycie, cookie sweetie...nana...and of course he who stood like a pillar thru my embarrassments and joys, Jegan....

haiz....

rushing to work early in the morning, getting squeezed in the train and trying to get past the morning rush has made me a teeny weeny bit wiser....i get to see the not so gracious side of singaporeans...the selfish attitudes, attires and what not......think back at moments....laugh at my own silliness and stupidity....regert the words i uttered in anger...think about the pain i caused people...chid myself for all those....

you know what....someone said that i'm growin up...i wanna remain 18 forever....its been the best time of my life....the new year is not really welcomed in that sense....it makes me a year older....wanna stay the way i am...wear all my cartoon t shirts, fight over the remote control to watch powerpuff girls and xmen....

oh well...

the earth never stops revolving does it?

:)