metamorphosis.

dearest shadow,

i think i have a lot to say today. i am relaxed today. got only tutorials to clear from today on. the aadiperrukku is over. yesterday was a day that i will never ever forget in my life. memorable. has made a deep cut in my heart. here i was constantly complaining about the banner and the size of the event....the minister coming...and wonder when the day would end. and yet, when the event was over, i was actually wishing that i could turn back the time, go back to it and do it flawlessly. yes. you guessed it. there were lots of flaws. they happened beyond the control of everyone. the prize presentation, something that i was in charge of, was a real big problem. whatever we gave out was correct though. i am thankful for that. but well, things like this happen. i wasnt even able to talk to vicky. and yesss did i mention?? i saw nesh! i have always wanted to talk to nesh for so long. i got my wish. thanks to the lord.. i was blessed. what happened after the event was the thing that made an impression.



after i changed, the make up just l0oked out of place. hair in a mess. was hungry. ate backstage with jeg. was really nice to talk. for once, someone who bothered to listen to this small, skinny girl people didnt really consider significant. felt a little lighter after talking some things out. then, there was a debrief. manikam wasnt angry. he was just disappointed. i know. and strangely, i was able to identify with that feeling.



when all was packed up, and we were at the concourse, manikam was there too. and he was talking to us about the event. he cried. i always thought that he was this really headstrong man. discplinarian.strict. no nonsense. but i was wrong. TOTALLY wrong. it was really wierd. i felt guilty. as he talked, i realised things that i never even bothered to entertain in my small, closed world. honestly, i was viewing the world in a stereotyped manner. anything that didnt fit into my stereotype, i dont entertain. my mind was open yesterday. i was truly listening. i couldnt help but cry as he narrated some things to us. i was sitting the closest to him. and seeing such a formidable figure shed tears, i felt helpless myself. went home feeling profoundly full of confidence. that i can achieve if i wanted. so far, i had only been saying these things to myself. now i know the true meaning. i guess you are wondering what happened and why i am talking all this stuff. a life changing experience occured yesterday. and i told him sorrry for making him cry. felt bad. when we can stage such a big show with cooperation, we can get countless A's also.. i totally agree.



i made a decision yesterday. concerning a very important dramatis persona who graces the stage of my life. many scences revolve about the person. to put it simply, i have decided to let go. dont get me wrong. i am not attached. just let the person slip by. a conscious decision i have made. its gonna hurt. i did have a choice. and made mine.



i think i am growing up. talkin very seriously these days.



haha. am truly laughin today.



bubbye shadow.